Drifter's Character Journals (Read Only)

[drifter]

Osic Donovan | Iarri Kannon

Mid to late Fall.
Roughly four days prior to the "Welcome Home" RP.

The early morning chill was mild, yet still noticeable. A loud yawn - followed by a heavy sigh - came from the den area. A healthy black pelted male emerged from the confines of his family chamber.
Osic gave a mighty shake which caused dust to plume up from his coat, mane and wings. Purple orbs peered out upon the quiet Meurtrian lands. Not many were up and about, and those that were payed him little mind. Today seemed it was going to be business as usual. For a moment his mind trailed off to the recent topic of a missing patrol. Well, not missing but it had been noted that some members - along with one King - were not around. They hadn't been around for a few days. Some had questioned Daemon on the matter but he continued to give vague replies. Most could only figure it had something to do with either Kimiko or La Morte. Osic himself didn't know which. But whatever the case may be, things would eventually become clear.
He could only hope.

A sudden gust of air had Osic's head snapping skyward with sheer delight. It was as if the clouds were beckoning the Donovan forth. And oh how he would answer their call. Black cylinders lunged forward, tan paws pounding into the earth. Once there was enough space his impressively large crimson wings rushed open in a flurry of feather. With one last bound and two great flaps, he was up. Osic aimed to climb high into the sky. With each downward motion of his wings his legs acted as if he were still running on the ground below.
Within the seventh stroke, Osic experienced an all to familiar pain. It was a pain that he often ignored, praying it would simply go away on its own. Yet this time... This time the pain was different. It caused his teeth to clench hard, ears to flatten and worst of all, his left wing fell limp. He had not been high enough to catch enough air to glide. But gliding was not an option anyway, not with just one wing.
As Osic plummeted, his right wing flapped rapidly - awkwardly. The plunge back down was quick and the Donovan hit ground with a hard thud. To his luck he had not been high enough to break anything, nor kill him for that matter. But the impact had been hard enough to knock him senseless and to let all the air from his lungs. For a good long while he laid there stunned and gasping. His claws dug into the dirt beneath him. Pain throbbed where his wing met his shoulder.

As things began to clear, Osic knew with a grim heart that it was time...


Within the Healer's Den Iarri went about her busy morning routine. Her thick tail came with its uses and one of those uses was a sufficient broom. She slowly walked around the entire den sweeping her tail to and fro. Leaves and loose dirt were flung about and worked to the entrance where they were cast out. As she did such she also took quick inventory. With a couple new trainees on board the gathering had been left mostly to Nerry. Though she never forced the task on him. Often times she encouraged he take a nurse with him on the restocking. It was good for the newbies to get a feel for the flora and fauna that passed through their den.
Iarri was drawn from her thoughts as someone cleared their throat. Blues raised to gaze upon a weary Osic Donovan. Before she said anything he moved forward and she quickly noticed his limp. "What troubles you?" She asked, motioning him closer. She immediately began to examine his paws, legs and shoulders but he pulled back with a shake of his head.
"No.. I.."
Puzzled, Iarri allowed him his space and simply listened. But Osic continued to hesitate, looking around the den rather nervously.. Or was that embarrassment she saw? "I have a pain.. In my wing.." He finally clarified.
"I see. Did you perhaps sleep on it wrong? OR perhaps one of your children slept on it through the night?" She moved closer, eyes trailing over the area he motioned to. Sometimes these were the most common reasons for wing pains around here. Especially if it wasn't old age or battle related.
"No.. It couldn't be any of that. I've had this pain for a long while."
The healer peered up then, more curious now. "If your pain has been so lengthy, why are you coming to me now? Why not sooner?"
There was that questionable hesitation again and he swallowed noticeably hard. "I thought it would go away on its own.." His answer was a bit dry, and he did not make eye contact as he spoke. She knew there was more to it than that. But his stance as she examined him was clear. He was somewhat frightened.
Iarri touched the area and when his wing should have naturally twitched or flexed, there was only a hiss of pain from Osic. "Forgive me, but I must press harder. So that I can feel deeper." Her instruction was not at all comforting, but it had to be done.
A roar passed through Osic's teeth as Iarri's thorough examination seemed to go on forever. "Alright. I'm done." She pulled away and Osic pulled into himself, instinctively defensive. "It appears you have a growth in the deep tissues of your wing base. I'm afraid I have no immediate cure for you. A full recovery would involve removal of either the growth or your wing. Unfortunately those are two options we do not have available to us." Osic listened with an increasingly worried expression. His ears flattened and he growled in response to her conclusion. "I believe it is best if you no longer fly."
"How can you even suggest that?"
"My friend you are in obvious pain and clearly in denial."
"Denial? You're talking about abandoning one of the things that gives my life meaning!"
"I understand.. I can only imagine the feeling that flight gives you.. But you fell today and by the looks of it, you fell hard. I would hate to have another incident such as we had with DarkStar's boy."
This made him pause, as well as calm a bit. "But.. Zamani.. I haven't.. haven't taught him to fly yet.. and any future cubs.. If they have wings.."
Iarri allowed him his small and understandable grievances. "Tomorrow I will inform the Kings and Circa tha-"
"NO!"
"E-excuse me?" Iarri winced away from his sudden outburst, brows now furrowed.
"Please. I'm sorry. Please don't tell them. Please don't tell Circa." He didn't want her to worry. She had enough on her plate and didn't need to be distracted by his woes. But Iarri however was having none of it.
"Osic. Circa may be your mate and I understand your concerns but in a situation like this she is not your mate. In a situation like this Circa is your commanding Captain. And as such she has full right to know when one of her warriors is unable t-" She halted her rant as she gazed upon the defeated male. His eyes seemed to shimmer in the dimness of the den and she realized he was on the verge of tears. He had been hiding all his pain for who knew how long and now he looked completely at a loss. With a soft sigh Iarri moved to his side. "Alright. This will stay between us." His gaze snapped up with renewed hope but she continued on. "However, I want to see you once every seven suns. We will monitor the growth. And if it gets any worse, I will have no choice but to inform Circa and our Kings."
"I understand."
"Good. Now, I will give you something for the pain. And remember, no flying."

Osic left the Healer's Den both relieved and downhearted. He now had an answer to his pains, but he still couldn't believe it was something he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Never to fly again... He knew he was being selfish in keeping it from Circa. But he had his reasons - Reasons he believed were valid.

Iarri watched the Donovan walk away. Once he was out of sight she turned, and continued to her duties as the day began.

[drifter]

Through the Eyes of Innocence

Mommy always said that I was the patient one. I came into the world right when I was meant to. My sister did not. She was too excited inside of mommy's tummy, and came to be far too early. My sister is one week older than me, but she is very small.
"You are bigger than she is. And you are stronger than she is. That means you must always protect her."
I will! I will always protect her. And one day I'll be bigger and stronger than mommy, and I will protect her too.

Mommy smiles all the time. I like it when she smiles, it makes me smile too. She teaches me and my sister so many things. Sometimes it seems as if my sister doesn't understand. I try to explain but she only stares at me. Mommy says to give her time. She is not as fast as I am. I am the patient one. I must be patient for my sister.

Today mommy is not smiling. She looks sad. For some reason she has looked this way for days. She has also been moving us to different dens almost every day. I stopped asking why. It only makes her look sadder. I want to make her feel better, but she only tells me to go and look after my sister.

Screams wake me up. My sister is already awake, and staring out of the den with wide eyes. Out there, there are shouts. Mommy. Mommy is shouting. Who is she shouting at? I don't want to see. I'm scared. My sister is scared too. She runs to me and tries to hide underneath me. I tell her it is okay. I tell her I will protect her just as mommy wants me to.
What scared us the most was when mommy tried to come into the den. She tried to reach us. She is covered in blood.
Mommy?
Someone drags her out again and she is screaming. This time it is pain and not anger.
NO!
There are roars. These roars are louder than I have ever heard before. They make me shiver and I want to cry. Where is my mommy? Who is hurting her? But soon things go quite. The only thing I hear is my sister crying.
Then there is a shadow. It is big. Very big. Much bigger than mommy.
"There are two."
"Bring out the one you think is the largest."
I know he will grab me. I am bigger than my sister. I am stronger than she is. But I must protect her!
The stranger grabs me and I try to bite his nose. He did not like me doing that and he grabs me harder. His teeth hurt. Mommy never hurt us when she picked us up.
He throws me out of the den, making me tumble. I land in front of another stranger. He looks even bigger. And he is smiling. But his smile is not like Mommy's. His smile is scary. It does not look kind at all.
"And the runt?"
"Dispose of it as you see fit."
I know they mean my sister. She is not a runt! And she is not an it! But.. What does that word mean? What are they going to do to her?
No, I must protect her.
I try to run back to the den but the larger one's paw bats me away. I try again and again and again. But always I am batted away. I hear her scream and I scream too. Then it is quiet. I am too tired to try any longer. And he will just bat me again any way. The stranger comes out of the den and I am screaming. And I am crying.
My sister is in his jaws, but she is positioned weird. And there is blood. So much blood from her. I scream for her but she does not move. He tosses her as hard as he can and I am picked up by the larger one. I don't care. I'm too tired to fight. All I can do is scream. All I can do is cry. Why won't my sister get up? Why won't she answer me in some way?
Where is my mommy...


I live with them now. The one who kept batting me away from the den says he is my father. I am not sure what a father is, but I do know that I hate him. I think he hates me too. His smiles are always mean. He is just plain mean. He always hits me. I think he likes hitting me. The one who tossed my sister is mean to me too. Father says he is my uncle. I don't know what an uncle is either. But I have two of them. The black one never looks at me. He acts as if I am not there.

There are cubs here. They are all older than me. Father says they are my siblings and that I am not allowed to play with them. Because I am filth. I must not get his children filthy.
I don't care. I only have one sibling. She is the only one I care about.

I am not allowed to ask about my mommy or my sister. I never get an answer. I only get hit.

There is a very old female who lays in the grass and never looks at me. She never looks at anything. When she tries, she looks in the wrong place. Sometimes her ear faces me, and she begins to look sad.
I made the mistake of approaching her. Father made me bleed for that one.
I never looked at her again.

I am so lonely here. I don't want to be here. Every morning I cry. I cry because I dream of being with Mommy and my sister. But I always wake up cold and alone.

There are three females who are always together. The darker of the three is the one with the most cubs. She has kind smiles only for them.
The white one only has two cubs. Both are sons. The darker son is the one who is always very mean to me. The other cub is as white as his mommy. Father treats the two of them very special.
The third female is red, like me. And she has no cubs. Out of everyone here, she is the only one who ever yells at Father. I get scared when this happens. I am afraid he will hit her like he hits me. But he never does.

A few days ago the red female who has no cubs came and talked to me. I tried to ignore her. I didn't know what Father would do if he noticed. But no one was around to notice.
She asks me for my name. No one has ever asked me for my name. Not even Father. He always calls me Filth. I don't want to be called Filth. So I tell her my name.
Every day since then she has come to see me. Every time she does, there is no one around to notice.
When she comes, she always brings me a treat. At first I didn't know what to do, but now I can't wait until I see her again.

The red female smiles a lot when she is with me. I like her smile. Her smile is kind and it makes me smile too.
She says she is my aunt. I tell her I do not know what an aunt is. Or what a father or uncle is. So she teaches me. She tells me a lot about this home. And she never gets angry with me. She has never hit me. When I ask questions she will always answer them.
I want to ask her about mommy. But I don't. I am afraid she will never come to see me again if I do.

The black uncle who pretends he can not see me, knows about my aunt spending time with me. I hear him tell her not to. I hear him telling her to stop.
"It is easier to play neutral. There is no conflict that way."
"I will not abandon that cub as he has. It is cruel what he is doing and you know it."
"Always so eager to clean up his messes aren't you? ... Fine. Your secret is safe with me."
"What's a little sister to do when her big brother can hardly wipe his own ass without destroying something. And thank you, brother."
That uncle still pretends he can not see me, but I like him more now. He did not take my aunt away from me.


Father has finally found us out. I think it was his dark son with the white mommy who told Father. I don't tell my aunt that. She loves all the other cubs as much as she loves me. I don't want her to hate him.
Father and the uncle who was with him when he took me away are punishing me. For some reason it is my fault that my aunt comes to see me. They are hitting me. Hard. And it hurts. It hurts so much.
I look up to see my aunt watching. She looks scared. She moves forward but then stops. The other two females are with her. They are talking to her but she is not looking at them. She is looking at me and she looks sad.
I want her. I want her to make them stop. I want her to hold me and tell me it is alright. I want her to make the pain go away.
"Mommy!!!" I cry out to her. I have never called her that before. I don't know why I did. I know she is not my mommy. She is my aunt. But she treats me like my mommy did.
Now my aunt looks angry. But not at me. She is angry with father. She runs toward us, and roars so loud it makes my head buzz. She tackles into Father, but he is bigger than her and he does not fall down.
My punishment stops but my uncle holds me down. My aunt is attacking Father. She is making him bleed and everyone can only stare with wide eyes. I am scared for her. Scared that he will make her bleed too. But he doesn't. He never hits her.
When she finally stops, she is yelling. She says words to Father that I am not allowed to say.
The dark uncle comes towards us now. He stares at the other uncle. They stare at each other for a long time. And I know what they are doing. My aunt told me that everyone there but me can talk with their mind. I know that is what they are doing.
The uncle holding me down lets me up and he lets me go to the darker uncle. But the darker uncle still does not look at me. He only places a paw over me to pull me underneath him.
Everyone is watching my aunt yell and say bad things to Father. No one stops her. No one is moving. Then Father finally makes her stop.
"Fine!" Father shouts and my aunt is quiet. "You want him so bad? Fine. You can have him."
My aunt looks surprised and then she looks normal again. But Father doesn't stop. He smiles that scary smile and my aunt looks angry again. "Raise him then, sister. Be his mother. But for as long as I live, he shall be the only cub you will ever call your own."
I don't know what father means. He and the mean uncle walk away. Slowly everyone else walks away too. The white and black females stay but my aunt makes them leave. The dark uncle walks towards my aunt but she says she is fine. She says she will be okay. And she asks him to leave too.

Father does not hit me any more. No one does. My aunt is always with me now. I can be with her whenever I want. The white female does not seem to mind too much. She is happy because my aunt is happy. The black female never says anything mean to me, but her looks are never nice ones.
At night I am never alone. My aunt is always there with me. She holds me close and keeps me warm. But some nights I can hear her crying. Her cries are soft and I know she is trying not to wake me or anyone else up. I don't like it when she cries. She is too kind to cry. I want to make her feel better.
"Don't worry. One day I will be bigger and stronger. And then, I will protect you."
This makes her smile and she kisses my head. "I'm sure you will my little Zalui. I'm sure you will."





I left that place long ago. The Bastard said if I were to leave then one day I would die. That's fine by me. He can try. I'm not afraid to go down swinging.
I left because he had finally answered the question I was never allowed to ask. My mother was alive. He and his brother had not killed her. They had simply chased her away.
I wanted to find her. Deep down I wanted to see her again. That is what I told my aunt. And she understood. But in all honesty, I left because I did not belong there. Never would I belong there.
I promised my aunt I would see her again. I would never abandon her. If I could, I would have taken her with me. Yet even if that had been possible, I knew she would not have come. Someone had to clean up after my father. If not her, then who? And of course there was no one more capable at the task than she.

On my own I was always looking over my shoulder. I hated the bastard and I could say I was not afraid all I wanted. But it was there. The abuse would scar my soul forever. I was aware. But I chose to ignore it.

The pride I joined was few in number. But its past was rich in history. This was an old pride. A feared pride. A pride that was also starting anew. I agreed to aide in the reclaiming of Shadow Veldt. In the beginning I had not planned to stay but for awhile. But fate is always fickle...

The grey female I had met only a couple months ago soon arrived. I wasn't surprised in what she had to tell me.
At my paws she laid three cubs and then she was gone again.

They were so small, those children of mine. My fathers words resurfaced. One day I would die. I could only snort. Of course I would die one day. We all had to go at some point. The idiot.
But I knew what he meant. I would die by Xemvoi claws.
But I knew that fate is fickle. So I tried not to think on it too much.

That first night as a father had squashed all thoughts of leaving this pride. Those three little fluff balls each tried to get as close as possible to me. So I did the next best thing. I scooped them up between my paws and gently laid my head over them. They were so much smaller than I. So much weaker than I. And I knew then what must be done. Fore I was larger than they were. I was stronger than they were. Therefore, I would always protect them.